21 things I’ve learned in the past 21 years

This might be the most cliche, “me” thing that I’ve done so far, but yet, here I am doing it. Anyway, I am a firm believer in learning and so, I just wanted to take a look at some of the things I have learned over the past 21 years and share them with you. So here it goes:

21 things I’ve learned in the past 21 years.

1. Be people focused.

People matter THE most, so we should act like it. Life revolves around relationships. What good is success, money, love if we can’t share it? Life is meant to be shared. And that doesn’t only mean it has to be shared with a significant other, share it with friends. Life is better when we genuinely get to know people. We all have things we are going through and things we have been through that shape us into who we are and we should never have to go through it alone. People will always be more important. Be the kind of person you would want to be friends with and the kind of person you would want to date.

2. The difference between good and great is discipline.

If you’ve been around me at all this summer, you’ve probably heard me say this. To me, discipline is how you achieve your goals. It takes much more than shear desire to achieve your goals…to be great. You cannot want yourself into being the person you want to be – you have to take steps. Actions speak louder than words here: want to run a marathon? Make a plan and stick to it. Will that mean that you might have to sacrifice watching your favorite Netflix show every now and then? yes. Will it mean that something will be pushed out of the way for you to be better? yes. But will it be worth it? yes. Set priorities and use discipline as a way to become great.

3. Not everyone needs to know everything.

This is a tough truth that I have learned. So often, I find myself wanting to tell people things who just really don’t need to know everything about my life. Does the cashier need to know that I hit a mailbox on the way to work or that I got stood up? No. Case closed.

4. Time heals.

Sometimes, there is nothing you can do, but wait. Just sit and wait – this is painful for me because I have discovered I’m not the most patient person. Well, last fall, I broke my nose and I had a black eye for a month. There was nothing I could do to make my nose heal any faster. Of course, I had to be careful about what I did and was advised not to attempt any back-flips for a while. But months later, I remember reaching for my nose and realizing it no longer hurt. I didn’t flinch and there was no bruising. It was healed. This has become a powerful lesson in my life. I literally did nothing to heal my nose; it just needed time. Some things that are hurt and broken, just take time to heal and there is not much we can do about it. A broken heart may take longer that a broken nose, but it too will heal.

5. It’s never too late to change.

Change! You are not stuck in your job; you are not stuck with who you are. There are two ways to look at this: If you don’t like something about yourself, work to improve yourself (of course, don’t beat yourself down or be unhealthy or toxic with yourself). But, realize that you can change. In a different way, (with career paths, schooling, personal taste, etc. in mind), I think we so often think that changing is quitting. Changing jobs or paths may feel like failure, but in reality, it is just positioning yourself better. Change can be terrifying, but we live in a world constantly changing and we are along for the ride. Remember: “what you aren’t changing, you are choosing.”

6. Don’t do things you don’t want to do.

I am the truest people pleaser you will ever meet, but I am trying to grow out of that. Life is too short to do things we don’t want to do. So don’t. If you don’t want to go out, then don’t – stay in, watch a movie. We should not waste our precious moments being unhappy with what we are doing.

7. Decide early to stop complaining and dreading things you have to do for the rest of your life.

There truly is no point in dreading something that you have to do for the rest of your life. Unloading the dishwasher, taking out the trash, making your bed. For most of us, these are things that are constant (unless you want to live like a slob or you hire a full-time maid). So why waste time being bitter about doing these things?

8. Decide to be decisive!

I was deemed indecisive by my family and friends early on. Being the type A person I was, this really bothered me. So, I did what any normal person would do and I researched how to be decisive. Classic me. My advice now to becoming decisive is to decide that you are going to be decisive. An oxymoron, maybe. But it helps. Tell yourself that you’ll be the one to pick dinner. Start slow and start simple. Let’s practice. “What do you want for dinner?” repeat after me… Chick-fil-a…

9. In the right circumstances, love is worth compromising.

Compromise for the ones you love! Life is too short to bicker about small things that don’t matter. Don’t waste your life being upset with someone when you can fix it (don’t let people walk over you though – you have to figure out a balance, but that’s another conversation). I feel like this is one of the lessons which I have truly learned in life because it keeps coming up over and over again. The most important thing you must learn is who is worth the compromise – choose wisely. Time and time again I am learning that sometimes it is worth sacrificing your pride for other people. Don’t argue about where to go to dinner or which movie to watch – things like that, things that don’t matter. The dinner. The movie. It is not worth it. When it comes to people you love, do something they like solely because they like it. Go to the restaurant they like, because they like it and because you love them. Compromise.

10. Learn from what hurts.

Yeah, this sounds dramatic, but pain can be a powerful teacher. Sometimes relationships hurt, but learn from them. I can look back on relationships and mourn the loss or the heartbreak and wonder over and over again what went wrong, but looking back and seeing what it taught me is much more valuable and healthy.

11. Being healthy is an investment.

It is hard sometimes to wrap our minds around this. We go out and we don’t want to buy the more expensive salad with good protein. But, health is the investment of a lifetime. You have to invest in yourself to prepare for the best future.

12. Changing your mindset can change the outcome.

Really and truly, I think that sometimes we just think about things in the wrong way. If we live our lives looking at things through lens of thankfulness, the little worries float away. I recently got stressed thinking about which job I should pursue, and which area, and which company, and where I should go. The options were endless and quite overwhelming; the future seemed uncertain in a way – but I realized that these were good problems to have. I was stressed, but when I looked at it from a different angle, I realized I simply had the wrong mindset.

13. Love is a choice.

More than anything, we all want to be loved. When it comes down to it, love is more than a feeling or an emotion. Love is an action. You have to actively chose to love others. There will be times when we don’t feel like loving, but we should anyway. Choose love.

14. Know thyself.

Take time to get to know yourself. What makes you tick? What do you really like? And I mean, really like. Do you like the trends in society? No? Are you wearing that skirt because everyone else is? Figure out what you like and who you are and who you want to be. Being self-aware helps you to be more confident and will make you happier overall.

15. You don’t have to have all of the answers.

You quite literally can’t have all of the answers, so it is best to accept it now. I am preaching to the choir here. I want to know everything and where it leads, but life is wild and mysterious and we won’t always know why or what’s next. We may never know why a relationship didn’t work out and we may not know where we are going in the next stage of life. But we have to live life with arms wide open and embrace the uncertainty. (I hate that I just said that. I think I’m becoming some sort of free spirit).

16. Hang up and hang out.

Need I say more? Get off your phone and focus on the people around you. When you’re at dinner, please for the love of everything good put your phone away. I can promise you the person in front of you is more interesting (and more important) than what’s on your screen if you’d take the time to be present.

17. Don’t be afraid to fail or ask questions.

Failure is challenging and if it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you. And if you don’t take the risk of failing, you will never know success. Being willing to ask questions because you don’t know something is a good thing. Not knowing something means there is room for growth. Be brave enough to take the opportunity to grow.

18. God doesn’t waste our tears.

Psalm 56:8, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

How great it is to know that no sadness or heartbreak is useless or purposeless. God uses our pain for our growth, our good and the Kingdom.

19. Vulnerability can be a strength.

Be vulnerable enough to admit you were wrong. Do not get so caught up in your own pride and protection that you lose a friend, that you miss the opportunity to tell someone how important they are to you. There is strength in being vulernable enough to tell people how you feel. Everyone is nervous and everyone wants affirmation. Have courage, take heart, be the one who smiles first. Let down your walls enough to let someone in.

20. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t.

We can always learn from others around us, if only we would listen. Don’t think so highly of yourself that you aren’t willing to learn something from people who are different from you.

21. Be brave; life is too short for regrets.

Ending on the most cliche lesson yet. Everything happens for a reason. I read a quote that says, “bravery is the cure for regret.” Take a leap. Do what you’ve always secretly been wanting to do. You don’t want to look back 20 years from now wondering where the time has gone and why you never took the chance. Be brave.

Thank you to everyone who has made the past 21 years amazing. I am one lucky gal & I could not be more grateful.

As always, go heels!